Lesson Details

Draft #2: EXPAND

2014-2015

Principles of English 1, fall 2014

Date

Sept. 3, 2014

Additional Info
Learning Target: students will revise one section of their first draft to be expanded and rich with description.

Wednesday Grammar: Clauses, sentence type, sentence purpose

Our goal for today is to take our first drafts, choose a part that is lacking and rewrite it, filling it with rich details and specific information.

What I saw in many drafts:
  • "My grandfather was a very brave man."
  • "I consider myself to be a kind person."
  • "My mom did tons of amazing things when she was young."
  • "Kids used to tease me because of my name."
  • "Nothing I do really resembles the meaning of my name."

These things are all telling me things, but showing me nothing. The goal in a descriptive essay is to SHOW. Use imagery (the five senses), use specific stories (don't tell me you're creative--show me you doing something creative), add details that put the reader in the heart of the action.

Your assignment:
With your first draft in hand, read through it in its entirety. While reading, make note of places where you are simply telling your reader something, rather than showing your reader that person or incident. On a new piece of paper with your name printed on the top, rewrite that section. Expand it. Really think about every detail. 

After about ten minutes of writing, I will collect all the pieces of paper and randomly select several to read aloud. We will critique them anonymously, trying to focus on imagery and descriptive details.